i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible

I am about to share with you the secret way to get your ex crawling back to you instantly; no matter how bad the situation is. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. I need to remember that I can change this if I stick to my counseling. Clearly you still have a lot of anger issues, which you need to work out. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By If this is as it seems, if it were me, I'd be glad he did me the favor of leaving and would add "cares about my feelings" and "able to compromise on problem resolution" as "must haves" for future boyfriends. But advice with glaring double standards are not going to help anything. Relationship Advice Forum for Men and Women, Hosted by Mimi Tanner. Commit to improving in the future and stick to your word. I'm sobbing as I type this it sounds so horrible and I hate myself for this. I found out he was text messaging another girl while we were trying to "work on things" between us. Lets think about this one for a second okay? however last evening I was triggered from something thats never triggered me before, and I had a very dramatic and serious flashback like I havent had in the past few months (I have been doing EMDR therapy). Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By Here's what I would do: Accept that you fucked up, big time. You must log in or register to reply here. Side effects of abuse may include but aren't limited to physical injury, disability, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a higher risk of depression, decreased self-esteem, houselessness, substance abuse, and anxiety. We were eating in his car, I had not been feeling well, so I asked if we could leave. If you're thinking, "I love my boyfriend, but I exhibit signs of one or more of these forms of violence," it is essential to reach out for help now. I am so sad and upset and ashamed of my actions. People are telling OP that because she is not normally an aggressive person by nature and that this was the first time something like this happened, the relationship can be fixed. It's horrible when we lose control and really screw things up. Slapping someone is not an accident. He made me out to look crazy because he didn't give the full story which led the stranger to think that i am crazy. But I do think a woman is just as deserving of getting struck back as a man would be. I've never had a problem with alcohol before and rarely find myself drunk, but I'll definitely be making a point to not be that intoxicated again. I have a set of Hardcore field tested techniques which are guaranteed to bring your ex lover back no matter how hopeless your situation might be. I slapped my girlfriend during a fight. To you, him leaving and calling it quits, was unreasonable. I don't want sympathy at all. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. I would easily advise someone else who had been hit to leave. He deserves so much more than me and no one should stay in an abusive relationship. Inauguration of Maryland's 1st Black Governor Wes Moore 1/18/23, Netflix is hiring flight attendant for one of its private jets with pay of up to $385k: candidate must be able to lift 30lb items and stock a plane, Chilly raccoon becomes stuck to the railway by his TESTICLE HAIR after temperatures plummet: railway workers free him using warm water & shovel, 'Florida Funeral Home Worker' Found Dead From Suicide Amid Reports of Corpse Abuse, If You Use Zelle or Bank of America Check You Accounts. Your long term strategy needs to be to get out of that relationship. You are correct, and I agree that I should feel terrible- and I do. I hit my boyfriend is a phrase that has been said more than a few times, often in regret, in stories that have gone ignored. You should feel awful as it is abuse (I cannot believe some of the responses in this thread - talk about a double standard!). Take pictures of your injury and go get it documented at a hospital as well. I feel like a little kid that wants to be held. I honestly didn't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do. He'd already decided, he was just waiting to trip you up so he could have an excuse to blow -- like treating you cold then blowing when you ask about it. The goal for not committing violence again has to be a personal mission. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Also, he might be afraid of what he might do if you hit him again. My Dad was having an affair during most of my childhood and was never home or when he was home, he wasn't around my Mom and I. I am happy to see that most of the commenters in this thread seem to see this the same way as well. In fact Jimmy defended himself rather badly and Susan dropped him there and then. Please help me. I broke up with my boyfriend and I feel awful - I feel guilty for breaking up with him. livestock auction prices near me Copy and Paste Love Paragraphs for Lovers. Again and again. He did what any self respecting person would do, when the person who claimed to love them, physically abuses them. Anne Marquet as a future MD, I've seen many bad relationships. But i was extremely angry. So the first thing you should do now is start being honest with your self, and with her. So, just let it go. Some cannot handle the unpleasantries that a disagreement can bring; having anger management classes can better handle those situations. Ask your boyfriend if they feel safe having a quick conversation. Tell him you're done and report it ASAP. Even if that's not the case, this is a non-workable situation. Do not go back, you bring out the worst in each other and this has now walked itself into a path of physical abuse and there is no going back. Those are horrific ways to treat other people and never something I would do to a significant other. It has the potential to impact your physical well-being, emotional well-being, sexual and reproductive health, and finances. But, either way, none of what we did was ok. Can I be mad over this? You are right about there being something clearly wrong if this is something that still managed to get to me so many months later. Unfortunately, situations like these require self-reflection. The last thing your ex boyfriend wants is to be with a needy or obsessed girlfriend. I hate to do this to you, but there are a few more questions I need to ask. This makes your ex want you back more then ever. P.P.S. He slapped me back and I slapped him again then all of a sudden he slapped me so hard that my ear started to ring. And, once it has, you'll find peace with yourself, and clarity on what to do. I think it was largely miscommunication (I misunderstood something he said about it), but I also think that it's time we lay this to rest. His faith is so incredible and I'm so grateful for it. I slapped my boyfriend, he punched my arm. I am going to cut this short. Feeling dread at the thought of breaking up with my boyfriend. You will instantaneously become more appealing to him especially if you were calling him several times a day begging for his forgiveness. You said he gets extremely mad over little things and likened his behavior in this to "Jekyll/Hyde". Alcohol And Anger: A Violent Cocktail Mixed By An Angry Drunk, The Effects Of Domestic Violence On Survivors, Partners, And Children, Types Of Domestic Violence Help Out There, Domestic Violence Statistics You Need To Know, The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence And What Its Doing To Help, Understanding Domestic Violence And What It Means For You, Scratching, slapping, kicking, biting, pinching, or punching. You've raised a lot of very good questions for me to consider. What does this do? Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By He had been very hurt because Susan had not trusted him and had not even discussed things with him. Everything I've read says "Abuse is never a one time event," and that we need to immediately break up because I don't even deserve to be with him. My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. Susan now had her work cut out to get her ex back, particularly as she had dumped Jimmy so unceremoniously.. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels." The abuse persists, and both parties try to find reasons why it happened and why it is okay to ignore it and move forward. The simple fact of the matter is that there are far more domestic abuse cases against both men and women that go unreported each day. Susan dispatched the letter Jimmy and decided not to bother him or have any contact with him at all for some time. What do I do now? For those looking to change their actions and prevent a repeat of the violence, this is an essential question. Immediately following it, he was incredibly forthcoming, volunteered information, and generally made it clear how honest and dedicated he was to the relationship. Is it OK to slap my boyfriend? Escalation and reaction like that are only short term responses. I'm sure he says he loves you, cares about you, etc., when things are good. What I did was wrong and abusive, and scary even to me. It also says a lot about him, and none of what it says is good. I've never tried anger management courses but that might be a good idea. Once violence enters the picture it's over . In the period when you come back together, reinstating trust becomes the most important component. It's indicated that emotional abuse is the most common form of intimate partner violence. Iran Using Harry For Cover For Execution of British Citizen. Izzy1234 Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance. Started Thursday at 10:00 PM, By My boyfriend then apologised to me for his actions and letting bottled things up when he could have spoke to me when it was annoying him. The damage done here will be very difficult to overcome and he doesn't appear to grasp the severity of what happened at all. After that I went to talk to some friends. Read More >. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had posted this with all gender references removed because you're right- the double standard is skewed in my favor. I Am The Only Family Member Not Invited To A Wedding - What Should I Do. If they agree, tell your boyfriend you feel sorry and regret your actions. Manage Settings We have talked about it, he's aware of how it makes me feel but has continued to do it. How do i ask him for time apart without him blittling me? Broke up with boyfriend because he was scared to get married. I'm scared all those articles aren't wrong. You say you get along great except for this, but THIS is a pretty huge deal. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. That's a power/threat move. I think I have a lot to work out. I don't forsee any of that happening. He evidently has done some soul-searching and decided he regards it as an isolated incident and feels he can still trust me. He hurts too. Just because he is a man doesn't mean it's ok to hit him. But I can't help it but this morning I woke up feeling very guilty, depressed and embarrassed I slapped him. The first thing that Susan decided to do was to write a long letter and apologies to Jimmy. According to the World Health Organization or WHO website, 30% of women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence. I think I have a lot to explore in my own head. Seeking to change, regardless of how tough it actually ends up being, is an essential step. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. The Hotline website has a page that can help you find local resources. But now that its over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. I don't know the dynamic of your relationship like you do. Who's the funniest Black female comedian of all time? There are huge signs that this is the case and you've suggested the same. I hit my boyfriend. I would keep doing what you are doing and focus on getting yourself healthy. I was shocked, both because I slapped him and he responded by punching me. Yes I asked him to give me till the end of the year maximum and he is ok with that. My boyfriend still loves me and wants to stay together. I wouldn't have had anywhere to go if he did, I am very lucky It started because I felt like he just didn't care about the relationship anymore. If somewhere between all that you slapped him, I don't blame you. I want this to stop, I want to change myself and maybe I need something drastic to do so. This is because emotions can run high when a breakup occurs. The goal has to be clear: never again. This is such a mindfuck right now. Said that, I feel anyhow that his might have been a rash, knee-jerk reaction fueled by surprise and anger. I told him that i want to forgive him but i can't right now.Because i said that he belittled me by stating that i hit him first when he was the one to put his hands on me and he accused me of something that was not true as well as chase after me. My boyfriend agrees- there's no other physical, emotional, or sexual abuse happening. Thread closed. No, I wish it was. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. He gave me another chance and gave me time to show him I can be a better person and I let him down. This guy crossed the line by pushing and slapping you. Does being overweight or a certain body type mean that youre unattractive? That you can lay your hands on someone without them getting hurt and pissed with you?! Without confirming the story or even talking to Jimmy about it, Susan confronted Jimmy and said she knew he had been sleeping with another woman.. Poor Jimmy was completely taken aback. I don't know what to do. I was able to get myself out of the episode after a couple of hours. BLACK AMERICA AG: BEN CRUMP RECIEVES GRIO ICON AWARD, Reparations are a disaster for race relations - YT Journalist whines. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. toughlove1993 Understanding that what you did is wrong is the first step towards making certain that those violent actions do not happen again. , that it's a no-no. Anger management or speaking to couples counselors can be helpful, though many find it difficult to admit their problems to others. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. So what is it? "It's over." This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. I've never slapped back. Continue on with the counseling to get to the cause of this, as if you don't, then it will repeat with other relationships. Everytime we get into an argument he leaves me for the night and goes to his parents. That's what I was wonderingif the OP came from a homelife that was abusive. You do not engage, you do not talk to him. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. But they can also be our teacher. Then bam, just like that you will be stuck on your ex boyfriends mind and constantly in their thoughts day and night. Nothing !! Because of this perception, these men often do not seek help. I locked myself away in the room because of my guilting was emotionally unstable. I guarantee you he'll be back. I slapped my girlfriend and feel horrible about it? Why does he leave for the night when you fight? Many do not wish to have this kind of inner perspective. And again, and the worst of it is you don't always get another chance to walk away when you should have. What did you expect?! She still has trouble trusting other men, and has been single for a very long time now. What happens if she gets drunk and something similar happens again? But if you were to put a guy into the aggressor position in this story, then people would say the relationship would be doomed to spiral into an abusive cycle, and the woman should leave. Who treats someone they care about that way? You physically attacked him. He's broken my trust, yes, but he's also earned it back. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By This website is owned and operated by BetterHelp, who receives all fees associated with the platform. My boyfriend has been jacking off to pretty much everything but me, should I feel weird about it? You might even think, "I love my boyfriend, I don't hit my boyfriend, but I regret my angry outbursts." How do I apologize to my boyfriend for hurting him? But I think that staying together is the wrong course, and that you need a break. MaisyMarch 6, 2011 in Abuse and Violence. You should feel like a sack of crap. Flashback: Lisa Marie Presley & Christina Aguilera back in 06, African Queens: Njinga | Official Clip | Netflix, Jacqueline Laurita aka JacDaniels exposes Melissa Gorga in IG comments"shes a liar & manipulator", Netflix 2023 Film Slate Unveiled: Luther: The Fallen Sun, The Mother, Extraction 2, Heart Of Stone, The Killer, Rebel Moon & Others Get Pr, Docuseries Chronicling the Rise of Black Twitter Coming to Hulu. Not only that, unstable emotions can lead to violent urges. I feel so angry and mad at him but most of all my feelings are hurt. I feel like a horrible person. Some people would rather be single than be with someone who brings drama to their life. Don't risk losing your ex forever, improve your chances to get back together with your ex by using a method so controversial your ex will be unable to resist. Bad bitches in my own section You press me boy meet my Wesson Four-door coup with the rims extended I done got too litty in my city feel like Virgil If we got a problem I got hitters in each borough Boyfriend tryna test me so I put his girl on furlough I get trigger happy Imma burn you a bozo Racks in my jeans yeah I'm poppin' We have been dating for about three weeks now and two nights ago I hit him again. I don't feel well and really want to go home." While "domestic violence" and "intimate partner violence" are terms that can be used interchangeably, the difference between the two is that domestic violence can happen between any two individuals who are living together. But the misconception that women are the only ones facing this abuse is just that: a misconception. Even though I now have a small sense of understanding why things happened this way, it does not mean it's an excuse and I recognize this. Whether or not you mean to be violent becomes irrelevant as emotions take hold. She didn't start apologizing again as she considered she had already done so both verbally and in writing.. One day, Susan bought two tickets to a rock band that she knew Jimmy liked hearing and which was in town for one single concert. Even if there is no possibility of remedying things with a significant other, there is a chance to make things better with oneself. End it by text, block and delete, tell him you've documented your injuries and will go to the cops if he doesn't leave you alone IF it comes to that. Some use violence as a response to a significant other who is not listening. Those are egalitarian extremists. You cant take back those violent actions, but taking steps to prevent them from ever occurring again can be crucial. A slap could lead to many more physical and emotional abuse your way, and unfortunately, people like him do not change. 1. This may be true. I woke up with a bruise on my arm. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Updates What does he do/say when he gets "extremely angry"? I don't think that should be your worry. You should both make this over for good. He then punched me in the arm. I know what I did was wrong, and if I slap someone then I deserve it back. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. I am seeing my therapist on Wednesday actually. You are using an out of date browser. He made me angry and upset, and now hasn't spoken to me in two days, should I reach out? But it is important to understand that the pendulum swings both ways. He tends to call me names when we fight, and I've asked him to stop, because it really bothers me. She would be told that if he did it once, he'll do it again, and not to feel safe around him. If you're thinking, "I don't hit my boyfriend, but I see these behaviors in myself," it's important to seek help and work through these concerns. It means being disrespected, disregarded, hurt, ignored and devalued. How did you cope with it afterwards? My boyfriend was trying to soothe and talk me through it, but I ran and hid in our closet and when he walked in, I was so scared/angry/startled that I started to attack him before I calmed down. I can't imagine ever doing that again (then again, I never thought I would in the first place). You're so annoying, shut up.". You are not stronger than him. Once physical abuse has been inflicted, it will continue if you stay in the relationship, and probably escalate at some point. And yes, I am very remorseful. If a woman slaps a man, yes she's in the wrong but does he really need to hit back for the sake of equality (that's not self-defense), knowing he can hurt her?? Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Getting an ex back is difficult if you were dumped. A good man should be enough for a woman and thats it. LSA we need to discuss this. Using that logic, it doesn't seem right to use much force on a weaker, person. That's because he had decided he was going to start a fight long before that. Staying with him means accepting the ugliness. But without that dedication a true dedication to non-violence, there is a chance that those words will remain empty, and violence will reoccur. He hurt you, you've not gotten over it - time to hurt him. I guess getting some books and maybe going to an anger class. I'm not an angry person. My boyfriend kept sitting there. Hopefully she'll get some help so it doesn't happen again and it sounds like she feels bad about it which is a good sign. My boyfriend of three years slapped me across the face a few nights ago. I know in my heart I can change is a great thing to say and to want to mean. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. Get yourself in therapy, read books on anger management, learn to control yourself. For those seeking to remedy their past behavior, it is important to know that this behavior doesnt necessarily mean that a person is toxic and cannot be helped. As black people what would linking with Mexicans do for us? We've since discussed that's obviously not the case. Do you believe that dead relatives can reach out to you in your dreams? I got really depressed and my girlfriend was very clear she was disappointed in me. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this as well as just controlling my emotions in general. Not only that but if he still has feeling for you then he will start to miss your presence. jessb86a Getting an ex back after you have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated. Also accept and acknowledge that you were the one who hurt her. You domestically abused your boyfriend. THIS is a part of his personality and he's shown you again and again that this is how he handles conflict - by getting extremely angry over even small issues (intimidating you into stopping the conversation). Has this happened to anyone else? Not only do you have to apologize because you behaved foolishly, but you almost have to start from zero with rebuilding the relationship. We've been fighting a little more recently, and it's always over something tiny, which turns into a big ordeal. How do you rebuild trust if you hurt someone? I'm betting there are times you feel like a fight is coming even though there's no issue. Therapy is what I would recommend. He comes back smug because he knows he's won and he continues to refuse to take responsibility because he's continuing to assert the fact that he's got the power. The fact that you'd use that term is a huge indicator. Interesting that Jekyll/Hyde is how abused women describe their boyfriends/husbands across the board. He thinks the violence was funny? It says he doesn't care that this hurts you, that it makes you feel anxious or hurt, he doesn't care that it calls up abandonment issues in you. My 19 year old sister just broke up with her 24 year old TOXIC boyfriend, I just broke up with my boyfriend because he is broke, Lauren London debuts her snatched frame at You People premiere, Anika Noni Rose and Jason Dirdens Colorful Los Angeles Wedding, Video of Nelly acting strange on stage goes viral, Life president Kagame hires his son as a bodyguard. I just I could have gotten help sooner so this most recent "attack" had never happened. I think it's good that you guys are actively trying to work on things. On the other hand, sometimes, people will experience multiple forms of abuse. I'm sitting in a corporate lobby right now listening to My ex told me that making me orgasm was too difficult. She has helped my partner and I during an unimaginably difficult time She has also guided us in communicating effectively and setting appropriate boundaries in our relationship. Do not engage in any way, period. That's too old to lose control like that. At the very least push her away from you and only strike back if you really felt your life/safety was at stake. Your boyfriend is likely verbally/emotionally abusive. It's your boyfriend's choice to forgive you. If the tables were turned I wouldn't want to be with an abuser either. "How do I talk to my boyfriend about his professional motivation and his problematic gaming without starting a fight or making him feel bad?" Read a psychologist's response here: 18 Jan 2023 11:00:06 Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. When he comes back the next day, do the two of you then talk about and resolve the problem you were fighting about the night before? Thus Susan found herself in a very in a quandary. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. The difference in size and strength between her and me is the same as a large man vs me. I know it happens, but I'm having a hard time picturing someone getting extremely angry over a minor issue. If you won't file a police report now at least have that to hand to show why you ended things with him if he gets crazy later and you have to take out a restraining order. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. This means more than 10 million women and men are experiencing physical violence or sexual abuse in a relationship each year in a given year. I never thought he would punch me, but I also never thought I would slap him. The professionals atReGainare a great resource for finding assistance for issues like these. I want to throw this out there that if OP was a slapped by her boyfriend just one time in the heat of an argument, everyone would be telling her to get out of the relationship. I've read up on the Abuse Wheel and other signs and manners of abuse. It takes a lot of work, but if you have hit your boyfriend, there is a way to make things right. He ****ed up. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Because this happened when you were drinking, perhaps you shouldn't drink anymore. Luckily, she isn't with that horrible man anymore. Broke up with my boyfriend and I dont really feel sad at all..has anyone ever felt this way? Time slowed to a crawl. So pay attention to this next bit. Just a few days later, Susan discovered that Marie had lied to her just for the fun of it. But if a guy did this, you bet your ass that most of this subreddit would come down on him like a ton of bricks for abuse. To you, your reason of being dissed made it justifiable. When she next met Jimmy she was very kind to him. We've been together for a yearand the arguments start over extremely small issues.say if he was acting cold to me, I'll ask him what's wrong and that he seems to be acting weird.and he'll get extremely defensive and say otherwise and the issue escalates from there. You're clearly working out a lot of issues, and it seems like you can't get past the infidelity. It has to be sincere and the priority in the wake of hitting a boyfriend. No situation of domestic violence is an excusable offense. If anger is the case, then it may be time to look into taking anger management classes.

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