my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family

My question is does that entitle him to the house? But the family members that go along with this maybe unconsciously participating and then you just need to let go. Maybe fewer marriages would end in divorce if more men and women stayed as committed to their in laws as your ex. Youre their (blood) family. There are answers to thisyou can fight back and regain your life, but not until you understand how a narcissist works. The original post has several valid points. thanks. My attempts to be mistral and teach out are ignored. I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. Because those men are much more dangerous. She is also using my 14 month old daughter as a pawn to get the best of me and Im looking for answers on what to do. My fathers memorial service was last weekend. My girls are older now. You should read before commenting. My parents say Im holding grudges and i forgiveness but its far beyond that! Make the first few visits with the whole group on neutral ground, public places like parks, sporting events etc. Im lucky .A year later I get to travel the world with my daughterdaug have found a new wife while ex-wife reports to duty at Walmart every day. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. I invite him to birthdays along with his new wife and her 3 kids shes pregnant with a 4th that is his. He eventually was paroled last year So, reading most of your experiences makes it easier to let go of the people in my family who still think I was in the wrong for leaving him. Narcissist detected. Well, I can tell you from personal experience that it absolutely is. Take care of yourself. My mother told me when I was in my thirties. I knew I would struggle financially and was prepared to give up my cell phone, cable TV, eating out, and even the possibility of having to move to a smaller house or apartment. Thank you for this. My family did the same thing to me.. I am not on FB and do not have a close relationship with any of my family, neither did he when we were married for 3 decades! What Went Wrong? I have also found out he has told the family that I got more in the settlement than I. This man is a genius. I typically dont share my personal life online, however I completely relate to your situation as im going through the same thing.I have been divorced for over nine years and in the last 10 months or so my mom and sister (and her family) have been secretly hanging out with my ex-husband and his girlfriend for get togethers, holidays, and special events. My mum keeps in contact with my ex who I was with for 6 months and who was abusive towards me. After my sisters divorce, her X kept calling my on/off longtime boyfriend to hangout. I was judged from the offset as the guilty one for initiating the divorce and they felt sorry for him and had no problems telling me so. My sister is married to my husbands brother. Suzie the author in this situation has explained she is uncomfortable. Bad enough your kids are going through this, but you made it worse by being so self centered as to ruin their Thanksgiving with their father and extended family. Make sure you get along enough to try to do whats best for your kids" I tried to separate before finding a partner, but to them the timing overlapped and I was the bad guy, the locks were changed, and I was thrown out. I know that I love my boyfriend but, I don't feel the same about our relationship. I am so insulted by this I could spit! If your relationship is perfect, then why do you feel bothered? Here's what the experts say you need to ask and what to look out for that might spell trouble in the relationship. Because in reality its their mental illness not me . Made snide comments about his excessive drinking and mishandling of money. All relationships need to be earned through mutual respect and consideration. If he isnt a bad person, your family will want to stay friends with him. I hope things have improved for you and everyone else who commented here with the same issues. I had to advocate for services for my son and part of that was paying $2000 for a neuropsychologist evaluation. So sorry to hear I am not alone. We maintain a relationship with herbut it will never be the same. If the ex who used to be in love with this person survived going their separate ways, then the family will get over it too. I guess since she out of curiosity did sexual favors for my ex after we separated, she thinks she is entitled to interfere. He has texted my dad telling him thanks for being there for him in the past and he still considers him a dad. It will help them to grow up to be more loving adults in the world. But I have said nothing negative about him to his family, and remain respectful about him in his absence. I also feel there is more to the story than the original comment. But I think that for the sake of emotional growth, you should not create more space between yourself and your family and begin to heal. They cant seem to tell my ex no, my ex either self invites or someone from my family is inviting to family event, holidays and birthdays. Id been with this man since the 9th grade! Am I overreacting or is my frustration justified? Breakups can be rough, and it's particularly rough when you've gotten attached to an ex's family. They are grown now and we have, for the most part put that behind us. Her SIL then posts family photos on social media of said vacation and similar events. He set out to retain his long friendship with my other daughter and husband and of course, this was and is very upsetting for my daughterhis ex. Im so sorry I know your pain and it runs so deep aleast with me!!! I try to focus on all the good things in my life and the friends that have stood by my side and whom I call my unbiological family., Something similar has happened to me. Same here, my dad and sister are freinds with her on fb. My heart breaks for her everyday. My in-laws also continue to have a relationship with the ex. You remind me of my Stepmum who despite having been in abusive relationships herself said better the devil you know and oh but he works hard, not taking into account that I worked hard in my own way and was constantly being controlled and put down by my ex. I am pushing life the best way I know how. My sister even hosted his mistresses birthday and their wedding at her house in February this year. And if he still misses and loves his ex, what do I do? Not exactly The Notebook. just because you dont want to be with him does not mean he cant cant come around. The human race is one messed up emotional bag of nonsense. At the end of the day divorce is only between her and her ex. I was so confused and looking for help, I dont know what to do until I met my friend Cassie, and I told her my problem. Dislike! I think it began when I co-parented I threw all parties, graduation, etc and invited him and his new wife and family because I didnt want too much change for my daughters but I think I gave the ok, its ok to like him and his wife, and chat.. so I take the blame but wanted my kids to always have both parents. "name": "What to do if your family keeps inviting your ex? readmore Add your answer to this question! I dont believe in blood thicker than water. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! I am recently reunited with my high school sweetheart from 30 years ago and he says that things are headed toward marriage for us. last week my husband has presented me with divorce papers, It was the greatest shock of my life. Ethan. Especially when I found out my ex bought one of them a house!! I fell betrayed because most of them knew ,to a point, what I had to go through. Its been a joy after finally escaping the abuse and my first born is no longer hurt by her deadbeat ways. One of her daughters moved to Vietnam and none of that side of the family tried to reestablish contact for approx 2 years after it was lost. False. There is no greater hurt then being hurt by the ones you love most and the ones that were put on this earth to stand by your side through everything, but I cant let them ruin me, my kids need me. My alcoholic, manipulative ex has kissed up to my sister and her husband and the have done several things behind my back. Very similar. He even calls my uncle and invites him over to watch the football game. Family loyalty is simply demonic and it is better you realise that your true enemy lies within you and your family Ask God to help you overcome this stage and please dont expect especially your family members to supportive of you during your trying period. And Ive felt the same when my sons have split up with girlfriends that Ive really got along with. Try it! No, its not unreasonable to want your family as your family. I dont know what to do Im caught in the middle and stand by my wife 100%. I wasnt expecting it after 8 years divorced, my husband and I married for 2, and together for 6 1/2 years. I also got remarried over a year ago and wouldnt want to put my husband through that or expect him to want to hang with the ex either. Be overly friendly, in fact. Your post struck a chord with me because I too grew up thinking family was everything only to then be turned on by my own. It also makes it hard when you try to move on a introduce a new partner They swore they didnt choose him. My divorce turned my sisters into 2 people I do not recognize anymore and caused me the greatest pain of my divorce and my life. Mary asks me to communicate with the Dr. IYAYA. If one spouse wants out while the other remains committed to the family, why should the committed partner be forced out of the relationships he or shes built? Im sorry for what youre going through, youre not alone. There are two types of instances that would be aggravating factors. I am very happy in my relationship, he is a much nicer person, yet i still feel so crappy about this ex situation and i dont know how to resolve the issue, if I talked to her about it she wouldnt react well, I know that. I felt so betrayed, because I would never let anyone come between me and family. And I had to spend a lot of time making him understand. Watch Out For These 14 Warning Signs, 17 Texting Secrets That Will Get Him HOOKED & Fall In Love With You, Why your man might still be thinking about his ex and how. I very much expected my family (if not my friends) to support my decision and back my play. Shes done a lot worse to me in regards to me relationship with my ex. My sister came to visit me a year and a half after our separation with her family and then left out the part about how they were leaving to stay with him for several days immediately after. },{ I think Ill share this post with my siblings and mother so they get an idea of the hurt and damage being done. Or perhaps envy is involved. You brought him round because he accompanied you. Also, who knows if they get back together? And we have our holidays broken up so that certain days are for me and the kids and others are for him and the kids and they still invite him to our family gatherings so I have to put on a brave face and pretend its not horrible uncomfortable for me. I just dont understand how they could choose to invite him over their own daughter. The fact that both sisters, and her parents, apparently feel this way screams that this woman may be an emotional vampire no one wants to be around. I havent spoken to my mom in almost a year now and it has put such a strain on our family. Your hubby is still up close and personal with the family. I cant trust no one. And you need to revise your opinion of good people. I was married for 20 years before I found out my ex was having an affair for 3 years. Oh, but (name of his ex) did it like this.. They honestly thought i was crazy and my ex the victim because i had left him. I mean Im sorry but if your the only one who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection. He's Still In Active Communication With Her If the person you are in a relationship with has children from a past marriage; trust me, the kids will always be a reason for her to call him or vice versa. Your ex sounds like a complete narcissist. Her problem with her ex, is her problem and hers alone. Everyones able to grow emotionally. OMG! He goes to her house during the holidays. And in the meantime, you can tell that hes not one hundred percent there. I got a divorce and it was very very ugly. But then kind of did so.as did his My ex is invited to and comes to many of my family events but its not the same when it comes to his family, he has even kept done of my friends and such its not comfortable to see them all so close and feel purposefully excluded. I did not see that you have talked to.your family or to him about any of this. Remember its not the childrens fault and if that could make it together for whatever reasons you should still be friends to a certain extent. This bothers Jada. He let her what it would cause, that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if she did it. Fact is until he dies and even beyond he will always be family via the blood connection of your children. Everyone should be pleasant to him but thats it. Remember you have kids with him. Ive read other stories about women whove made the decision, for entirely selfish reasons, that they would like to be single again, and are flummoxed when they realise that their friends and family are less than supportive. You are so dead on when you suggested my x is a narcissist and very manipulative as well. Do what YOU need to do for YOUR mental health!! I see this is the old post but I HOPE someone answers! 15 His Communication With Her Is Different From Other Friends. My Dad, Step Mother and their children were the same with my ex. And I think you have a right to feel whats your body feels, youre not overreacting and I think you are handling it so very selflessly, its hurtful, Im an empath and I feel when others are in pain it literally hurts, what Im trying to say is I am so sorry that this way that you have felt for so long supposed family, they should have done noticed, saw, felt, listen, any sort of emotion anyting at all to realize how much pain you felt because true family, can see it on your face can see it in your eyes I can tell by your movements and motions should Dang near almost be able to tell something is wrong or notice when youre lying even with the lights off you know when I mean? Its not an unreasonable expectation, but having read her post and noting that there are children involved with not only her family, but the family of her siblings, it is unrealistic to expect ties to be cut. There are occasions where they all come together like a special occasion run by an education provider. But unfortunately, as long as the kids are around, then your ex-husband and his girlfriend will continue to come around and spend time with your extended family. OMG! My ex cheated twice. Who needs family as weak as they seem to be? Sending you a hug xx, Love xx hugs I need more were that came from. People do not always know even if they think they do. It was just more of co-inhabiting together in our house and paying bills. I get on fine with the kids. I actually did ask my Mom to not engage so much with him, she basically flat out told me no. I dont know wether to bite the bullet and start going over, it could possibly deter them if I go over more often, or do I just accept it and not have a relationship with my sister ? She invites them (ex, gf, my kids) to her house for gatherings and excludes me. Maybe instead of thinking about poor pitty party you and gow you feel maybe you should think how are my kids doing not only did I kick their dad to the curb but now Im tearing the family apart as well. And still to this day. You have the best case senario and perhaps you are still to hurt to see it. So my question is, how is divorced life working out for ya? Anything's possible, if you just talk about it. Something my ex said when we signed our divorce papers also implied his new partner was kinda fed up with the whole thing as well. Do you perhaps have these feelings because maybe your still in love with him? I was married for 12 years, I had two children before him we had two kids together. Everytime i talked abt this to him, he always said that im so jealous with her. You will fear death more and more as you age and become more bitter and resentful. We have been married for nine. My ex was invited to my nieces wedding ten years later & I was not. My siblings were fooled and much family as well. Ive been dating Tom for 1 year and our relationship is perfect, but it bothers me a little how close Nina is to his family. The day the couple got married, they became his family. But I feel this is wrong and shes doing it all on purpose to be hateful to me. If the breakup was a healthy one, it might be easier to stay friends with an ex's family. It wasnt long and he remarried. His ex told me that is my family. Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. He drags me to court claims to be broke Ive told him repeatedly that the last person I care to see on my anniversary, is my ex wife, but so far, its done no good. No one ever takes a second to think how the other person is dealing with the breakdown of a family. temple whatsapp + 1 (561) 705 -1922. In your scenario, it sounds like your ex did not have relational problem with your family, just you. But guess what? We also may change the frequency you receive our emails from us in order to keep you up to date and give you the best relevant information possible. My family has totally excluded me and my 7 year old. There were many mistakes on both sides but he was emotionally and psychologically abusive. When we see his sister at his mums shes always talking about his ex and what theyve been doing together. Wheres the family loyalty?? Since 1996 Divorce Magazine has been the Internet's leading website on divorce and separation. I worry about her each and every day. If you notice any of these, then you can be sure that he still likely has feelings for her, and might even consider getting back together with her. The moment the decided to get marry. Its not a matter of right and wrong Its what YOU feel comfortable with. My ex husband called my job to try to get me fired, put nails in my tires, dated a friend of mine, and did many other awful things which my family is well aware of yet my mother still has coffee in his house and communicates with him behind my back. Enter your email below and receive my free report with the 5 texting mistakes noW! Now, you might think that some paperwork changes that. There is always two sides to a story, and the leaver most often views their ex in a negative way. They have children together . My son hung out with him after my divorce. Hes texting or contacting her behind your back. "text": "Even though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family do together all the time, I never say anything about it to my kids. So dera, be happy and keep your head high with your kids and do the best you can. My ex-husband left to Mexico, so he never paid child support; left me with bills galore, but ironically still continued visiting my family members, whom knowingly knew, how he treated his family.. I dont envy that. After 6 years of being all but disowned, my family started to warm back up to me a little, all the while cherishing him, which put our kids in a weird position. Although I have forgiven my self, my ex and my family and prayed to God to help me forgive and forget. Thats wrong on your familys part. That is very hurtful. I have been assaulted by the brother and give a verbal spray by the sister after I disclosed I had brain tumors and an aneurysm requiring treatment and surgery. He said he was working on himself as he went through several women and moved in with the last one months after meeting her. I get pictures of my neice and him and my sister saying how nice it is for her daughter to have a older male to look upto .. my friends think this is weird as with other family members but Im in the wrong about how I feel . I could not even tell my own family. I wish everyday I wake up and this is a bad dream. My boyfriend finally left her after her last infidelity incident. If you wouldnt put up with poor treatment from someone you hadnt known for very long then why would you put up with it from people just because they are family. She had been like a daughter to me. We may earn a commission from links on this page. Whats worse is she never had a kind word to say about him while we were married. I dont know how to deal with it, but Id like to get it sorted as were relocating soon and I dont want to take all this bad feeling with us. Your family should either choose you or cut them off. He's still talking to his ex 6. Of course my heart was ripped out and I have voiced my feelings about the whole situation to only be ignored. Plus, we all hang out a lot and he was able to see that my actions matched my words. check out, "13 Ways You Know He's Loyal and Loving You" I dont have family, finance left because my family didnt want him, still single and believing that someday, I will belong to a family too. I think thats insane and I wouldnt have it !? Right now Im working through drafts of a declination letter to my cousins wedding, and I know that it will just make me look worse. Wow! If the ex-wife has a problem with that, she can stay home herself. But if your done with him just because you either got bored or you actually didnt really like him to begin with? new episodes every wednesday! I wish you would see this! So if he hardly talks to his parents, and hardly even makes time to visit them, then you probably haven't met them because it really isn't a big deal to him! Your divorced for a reason and the main reason is you no longer want him in your life. She is still included in family emails, her birthday is acknowledged, gifts are. Yesvery unreasonable. His coworkers, his family and all our friends(except my mothers best friend and my grandma)all believed he was blemish free. Highly racist and believe Ive sinned against God because my son is part Spanish . I have seen this one other time bet there was infidelity involved and the family blamed the breakup on their family members infidelity and stayed very close to the offended partner. Cedric are you in a similar situation as the author of this post? I feel for you because my ex tried to destroy me in every way possible when we split 7 years ago. I guess I should laughthe two of them can have each other. You sound like a narcissistic mom honestly. Oh Boy @Brandon says and @Rena williams, yall sound toxic AF. My divorce turned my sisters into 2 people I dont even recognize. I asked him to respectfully not do that and have conversations with her because of previous non truths she tends to pass along without at least mentioning something to me. Ever since they dated when she was a teen, I had a close relationship with him. Your partner's first wife had an affair that ended their marriage so, however happy she may be now, she must feel some guilt about the suffering that her children endured as a result of that. They have every right to see and spend time with your ex. Now nobody in my family speaks to me and my mother is threatening to evict me from the condo that Ive been renting from her. Ive had it. You are in complete denial. So there was an ulterior motive. Meanwhile he had spent years running me down and pretending he was a victim. keep with staying away from or communicating with his family. In fact it sounds like he is a nice guy and her family sincerely likes him. I have cut ties with my family in my heart because they are disloyal. (Which doesnt change the fact thatits super uncomfortable for you.). New York-based author and relationship and etiquette expert April Masini says to look out for communication styles that indicate a more intimate connection. My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. Your entire family has picked your ex husband over you! My 1st wife and i divorced back in 2003, but my sister inlaw still invites her and her new husband to all of their families events. When you marry someone you marry their family too, and if you cant even allow him to be around your family??!! You have 5!!! He doesnt take the kids to the dentist, doctor, for hair cuts or anything else they need beyond food. Are you also welcome to join? I honestly just want to be free from feeling unsupported, unloved, unbelieved, etc. My sister in law would not even know the woman!! So maybe he's tried to address your concerns but the problem hasn't gone away. Christmas?Easter? 8 years still dealing with his manipulation and my families insanity.but slowly the truth is making its way out and I continue to get healthier..1-by not participating in his games, 2 by not communicating with people who support his cruelty and manipulation, 3 prayer, prayer, prayer, 4 healthy choices for your everyday life, take care of youthe kids will keep watching and seeing that you are healthier, happier stronger and one day probably hate all the people who have been hurting you. I was married for 34 years and my family watched how I was treated and had hash words to say about my ex when I told them I was leaving the marriage. We both always believed we were meant to be together and he has told me this many times, but the way he treats me blows my mind. After all you are their family & they should respect & honor your feelings on the matter. Youre being so selfish not going to lie. She ruined my daughters life and my relationship with pretty much everyone in my family at this point. They have been broken up for over a year, and he says they no longer communicate. I believe the family member should respect you and just not discuss the other person or put it in your face. When I expressed my disappointment I was told I should INVITE MYSELF to these events!!! Go do the right thing and make peace with yourself and start treating him as other parent raising the childreN give him more visiting time than ever other weekend crap.. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have us behind her, emotionally (the most important part) and financially (my parents) in her divorce. He might work hard for what he has but that suggests you value material and financial effort more than other factors. He has never been there for his own daughter . Instead of anger management perhaps you could also suggest that she attends joint counselling with you to discuss the situation i bet she wont because they have no ability to reflect or even the desire to change their behaviour. She may be doing this to the child to get revenge on her Ex and us. Even going as far as making it clear that he wishes she could be included, offering to not be there etc. This is proof right here. Family should be the first group emotionally support in that. I never asked that my family hate him, just support me and create boundaries so that the comfort level be established.

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