i hate my husband because of his mother

Maybe next time fucking wait till you have your shit together? June 18, 2015, 2:12 pm. bricklink greef karga. Im an not saying she should get the thumbs up to just move out and leave her MIL as is. They feel they are just protecting their vulnerable child, with little awareness of the effect it has had on me and other sis. If a new spouse cannot accept that, in my humble opinion (IMHO as the new generation says), the relationship is doomed. His dad moved states, and they now have a strained relationship. It's also very difficult to blame others when we're using I-Statements. I just can't deal with my mil. Whenever she asks us to do something she always says, Whenever you get the chance, doesnt have to be right now. Yet, if the request isnt fulfilled shortly after, she gets pissy. She cant be left alone with a baby, not even holding a baby while the parent walks into the next room. Not only does she sound like a danger to her grandchildren or anyone else living with her, which youve made clear is your concern, she is a danger to herself. I've always worked full time and he's only ever worked 15 to 20 hours. If anything, it sounds like she is starved for contact, whether she knows that or not. , RedRoverRedRover Also, I dont really like my MIL. i hate my husband because of his mother santa margherita chianti classico 2014 intertops sports betting i hate my husband because of his mother May 10, 2022 I hate my husband. But I do agree that the LW needs to reframe how she sees this. It was only once I started eating more fruit in my adult life that I started liking sweet treats more. Typical lovers arent just intimate with each other; they are also best friends. It can pave the way for a better relationship. But straight out choosing to abandon MIL and not worry about it isnt right. So let me see if I understand this. Lisa Marie Presley loved being a mother to her "cubs.". She could have written in about the husband and issues with navigating her MILs care and left everything else out. (Right?) Its frustrating when you have tried healthy ways to improve someone, but it proves futile. We think they have failed and hate them when they dont meet our unrealistic expectations. The combination of an elderly MIL recovering from a stroke, a husband on disability, a kid and another on the way, AND looking for employment is definitely very difficult. Learning what to do when you hate your spouse involves limiting your exposure to crashed and failed marriages. If you listen to more of these unpleasant experiences or witness them, it may affect your perception of a healthy marriage. Am I wrong for wanting my husband to break his promise to his mother that he made sooo long ago? We expect it to be a perfect partnership between two individuals in love who are ready to build a home. Ill graduate in a few days and have been applying to jobs that will hopefully hire me shortly after my baby is born so that we wont need any of her finances. And I dont think the anger the commenters are feeling is inappropriate, either. Talk about sweet! A central . something random It will complicate your marriage more. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. Have you considered getting in home care, getting her into assisted living, ect. But, man like Taramonster said the LW doesnt seem compassionate at all. However, don't dwell much on it. June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. Elderly people often lose the capacity to properly care for themselves, and if she was already mentally ill, or even eccentric, Im sure the issue is exacerbated. It is simply about being able to express your thoughts honestly and openly to your spouse. M. MiraclesHappenBelieve. It could be and really, should be, in your husbands case finding adequate home care or a living environment where his mother will get the physical and medical attention she obviously needs. Or did one of you already live in one and when the other one came up you bought it? Your MIL sounds ill maybe mentally ill, in addition to suffering whatever lasting effects she has from her stroke. June 18, 2015, 9:21 am, Haha, I thought the impaling comment was overly strange too, but in my mind presumed it was preggo hormones making her overreact. Now that we have a toddler Ive really had to remind my husband about it. Right now I hate my husband. My FIL (who has been divorced from my MIL for over 40 years) says hes on our side but that my husband made a promise to his mother and that makes it my promise too. No one had medical training either so that made it extra difficult. am i projecting like a mfer? Why do I feel like I hate my husband? The harsh truth is that you have a vague and unrealistic idea of marriage. We bought the entire building because the owner was selling it. June 18, 2015, 8:40 am. Depending on how bad she really is you could already be financially exploiting her and thats elder abuse. The temporary hatred you feel often fades once your husband changes or you get what you want. However, it doesnt always work like that. )and its very different. The Problem: As a kid, you were probably exposed to poor relationships. If these things suddenly stop in marriage, you may hate your husband. Sunshine Brite . I understand that she must have felt desperate, but shes calling out her MIL for having bad judgment (as a mother and grandmother), when it seems like the LWs judgment is questionable, too. Living with someone who requires a great deal of care who is incapable of caring for themselves, is very hard. Sometimes it is best to evaluate yourself before blaming your husband for how you feel about him. At the very least, youd think if she cared nothing for the MIL, shed have at least cared enough about her 8-year-old daughter (if not herself) to check out the situation before moving in. Many wives say, Sometimes I hate my husband. The reason is that their husband stopped paying attention to them. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? . My MIL and I are not close. However, you should check yourself when you start drifting away from your partner. Im literally days away from my due date and my blood pressure has been going up. That would help a lot with the hygiene. Like other things in life, it has its problems. Knowing the specific reasons can save your marriage, whether he stopped sending flowers or stopped going on regular dates. Could you be transferring aggression? Of course, but he is not obligated to sacrifice his life or his happy home for me. The MIL just cant be left to care for herself. Maybe a cut would have occured, but not anything as dramatic as the LW presents. Somewhere along the way, this influenced you to have a dysfunctional view on relationships. Whadda hypocrite! If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy@dearwendy.com. by recognizing they are different from you through their opinions, experiences, and values. He's not perfect but no one is. But if this happens frequently, you must ask yourself, Why do I feel like I hate my husband?. This article will provide the answers you need. And I can just now stomach pineapple. You can completely remove all of the details of the living situation from this letter and theres one thing that still sticks out to me. Just because he couldn't help it, it doesn't mean you are not angry that he had a stroke . I am leaving a different comment than the rest.I am on the lw side.It seems like the husband is not really taking that good care of his mother.Just being in the same house does not equal care.I bet most of the care is on the lw.She cannot handle that with being so pregnant and going to school so it looks to me the care this lady really is getting is lacking.First off why are the pee pads just sitting there?Hubby should be picking them up many times a day then scrubbing the floor each time.Why is her room gross?Hubby should be cleaning that daily also.Since he does not work he should be cleaning her whole house daily also.Her hygene is lacking?Hubby should be taking care of that too.I bet the lw does most of the work and is just very overwhelmed.I would not bring a newborn in to that situation right therebut then there is a very scary safety situation with mil wanting to pick up newborn and she falls alot.Then the germs this mil creates with her dirty ways.Hubby is not really taking care of her and I say this because if he really was none of thease things would even be a issue.It is time for the sake of mil being safe and looked after in the right way to be placed somewhere.Also for the baby to be safe.If hubby does not do that no matter how much you love him I would leave if I was her just to keep the baby safe.In the usa this lack of care would be called elder abuse and comes with a jail term.I worked in nurseing homes.Even with staff to help it was the hardest job I ever had. If they moved in with his mom because they were always planning to buy a house with her and care for her and a medical discharge just pushed everything to happen faster, that is more understandable. As long as your partner tries their best, it would be best not harshly to criticize them. Unless it was an emergency out of my control, I wouldnt stay overnight in a hotel with my child that I hadnt researched thoroughly, let alone move him into a home for many months whose state I was completely unaware of. We will present possible reasons why some wives hate their husbands and solutions for the same. June 18, 2015, 10:57 am. I think I would have a really hard time accepting this situation if I were the letter writer. Here we were deep cleaning her house, since she let it get really nasty, just so we can live there with my 8-year-old daughter (from a previous relationship), and shes picking arguments with us almost daily for six months. Sell my house Quickly; SELL YOUR HOME FAST; i hate my husband because of his mother. For a few weeks or months. Tolerating what sounds like abusive behaviour from his mother is another. Is there a senior center in your community? They force us to take responsibility for what we're thinking and feeling, which protects others from our blame, guilt and judgment." Examples of I-Statements in romantic relationships: I feel scared when it seems like your family is more important to you than I am. Yes, it is if he refuses to reciprocate the love and gesture. Overall, I feel for you. The best El Paso TX information website. I find myself, however, drowning in internal protestations of "I deserve to be treated better.". The suddenly MIL has the money clear out of the blue to help with finances after they buy a house when she clearly didnt have the money to do so in her own place? And even my husband loves having her nearby. Another way to stop hating your spouse is to remember the good old days. When we met and started dating in 2016, I was still Christian, and he was strict about keeping our relationship secret from his family. ele4phant, Im with you. I mean, think about how you would want to be treated by your own children then apply that to your parents or your partners parents. It happened to my cousins daughter, although she wasnt pregnant. . Possibly. Know that youre not alone in this struggle, there are support groups for family members of stroke victims (try an internet search) It might be worth checking them out to get ideas from others in your situation about what they have done for care of their relatives when problem solving deficits are leading to unsafe living conditions. Not that I think you have to have experienced giving care to a difficult elderly/disabled person to comment on this, but I have. But she married her husband and he comes with her mother. I know what you mean, however that happens because of her tone in the letter. And sometimes ill-prepared panicked people arent model human beings who can clearly assess every situation and respond with the appropriate amount of compassion. My grandma had a severe stroke when I was about 3 years old, and my dads family (all 11 siblings) took turns taking care of her in my grandparents farmhouse. Having a selfish husband means being stuck with stunted communication in your marriage. But hatred for ones spouse doesnt surface for no reason. Do you have any unresolved issues with yourself? That contributes to your extreme hatred for your husband. June 18, 2015, 10:27 am. Jeez, I think these responses are kind of harsh. I guess Im one the posters that understands how stressful and difficult this situation must be for LW. But not wanting her anywhere near them ever doesnt seem like a good solution. I Hate My Husband: The Reasons Why When a couple gets married they imagine that they will be loving and happy during their life. And it is very easy to assume one can imagine what it takes to care for someone. I think it is time you all started looking into retirement community-type things. Dear Wendy However, it doesnt always work like that. something random I dunno. I kept thinking what if you need to be taken care of someday by your husband? Because if so, wasnt she stewing in her own filth then too? Its really not that hard. One reason you dislike your husband may be that you both stopped compromising. The honey thing? I like to believe I would never have gotten into it to begin with. I promised my mom that she could live in the east wing of my giant mansionguess whatshes not holding me to a promise I made as a child. And not because of some grandiose moral notion of kindness, but because not being able to access that compassion makes every single moment of the process strained, draining, and just all around awful for yourself and everyone involved. My mom put whiskey on my gums. But relationships go both ways, and I think all parties need to give a little. Wow- LW sounds horrible and whiney, poor husband,he married his mother. Maybe she needs a more active social life. I feel like we need to try harder to see all sides here. Sell the property if necessary to get out of the situation. Ive seen some wonderfully compassionate but at the same time get-your-shit-together blunt responses to folks who needed to be knocked upside the head multiple times, and Im not sure why those morons deserve the compassion but this lady does not. Seriously. They can force you to question your love and your marriage. I think it is natural to feel a little defensive when strangers comment on how shitty someone is for not caring about their poor parents. I know its tempting to ask how the hell did LW get herself into this situation?, but the more important question is how to get out of it. However, a husband attached to his mother at the hip might be more of a problem. Also, my entire job is trying to mitigate or prevent the self-neglect you describe. If your husband treats you formally and forgets to enjoy your union, you may start hating him. My husband is wonderful but he seems to believe that since his mother is willing to pay part of the bills when we buy a house that she is needed. Stay calm and think it through to evaluate your marriage and. I wouldnt exactly be thrilled to live under those conditions either. Now that you are married, you find it challenging to deal with these issues. Making you his main priority and breaking away from his family is, in the end, his decision. 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