aita for uninviting my stepdad

This is no joke. You need to go NC. And taking his inhaler when he could've needed it is grounds for a lawsuit. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. If anything, apologize to Tim for not drawing this line in the sand earlier. I hated every bit of it. And you let it happen for way too long. . Honestly, Tim must really love and value your relationship to put up with all that. Can't people with asthma die from an asthma attack? I've had male coworkers of a certain age come to work with unrelenting chest pain. NTA. They waited until he went on a trip with them to steal his inhaler. You should do Timmy a favor and choose between him and your toxic family. That wasnt a prank. These are crimes, not pranks, and for adults to feed off each other like this is incredibly disturbing. Cookie Notice NTA ! Could be either! Because they'll show up to the wedding and proclaim themselves as MeN tHaT aRe Up FoR tHe ChAlLeNgE. NTA. Asthma can kill and as someone with asthma not knowing where my emergency inhaler is can cause anxiety as I may need it to save my life. Otherwise leave Tim and let him find someone that will respect him enough to not let her family torture. Im not speaking from hyperbole here. NTA. and our It's past time for you to stand up for yourself and him. He's so nice he'd give you the inhaler from someone else's bag, you know, instead of the shirt off his own back. I could definitely see these assholes trying to cover something like that up. I'd recommend you completely cutoff your fam members, including the enablers that are ok to turn a blind eye because it's not something that impacts them directly. Die on this hill. Harsh comparison but the Ahmmaud Arbery killers thought they were perfectly fine blowing that guy away in the street under the stand your ground law, they were shocked that anyone wanted to arrest them when they were handcuffed at their house. NTA. So my sister isn't invited.". I hope he realizes that unless you stand up for him and put your dumb ass family in their place - he should move on. Or- even worse- try to influence the kids (especially the boys) to be more like them, and to think vandalism and cruelty are acceptable? Wouldnt it increase their respect for both of them as a couple if that despicable quartet come out of this wedding with the ULTIMATE wedding favour, aka mug shots and restraining orders? They need a lesson in what it takes to be decent human beings. You know what that shit is? But anyway once you said yes she should have felt morally obliged to go with you. The replies here are really inconsiderate. And wanted to see if he was "man" enough to go through it without his inhaler, this is so toxic. NTA. Do you really need these people and their defenders in your life? I feel so bad for him and am honestly surprised hes still with you. I have never been a cryer but I've shed more tears because of my dad than laughs with him. This is dangerous and just irresponsible. I say elope. The fun is just bullying and your dad, uncle, and cousins are toxic as fuck. That should NEVER be something to joke about! I thought the exact same thing. If you have a son, do you want your family to test him this way? These men are absolute Neanderthals! See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! Ask them how they would like mug shots and restraining orders and if THOSE, decorating your guest sign in table, would increase their respect for you as a couple. I still don't always know for sure with some stuff, because I've come across too many crazies who really do believe things like allergies/asthma/mental disorders/autism/invisible disabilities are all fake or "excuses". 5th house stellium meaning; how to handle being dumped with dignity; send a wave on facebook; international scout.He wrote: " AITA for uninviting my mom from my . Yup, this is essentially hazing someone who doesn't even want to be in their stupid frat. These people are sick, and they stay in a pack to reinforce each others sickness. Literally willing to risk everything to be with you. Whenever I get a new job site I make it clear I love pranks. Im sorry but is your family a bunch of uneducated hicks that actually think this shit is normal? Where are your priorities op?! Toxic masculinity ruins the party again. If anyone slashed my (or fianc) tires or stole my life-saving medication as a prank, not only would they be uninvited from my wedding, theyd be out of my life completely and facing criminal charges. Like just breathe bro /s, Bro you need to breathe into a tube to live? Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. When I was little we were best friends. NTA - they sound truly horrible and yeah if I was your fianc I would want them at my wedding either. First have the conversation with your fianc if he even wants them there. Honestly that was pretty rude of her but unless her actions were specifically malicious I don't think she is the asshole NAH this rubbed me the wrong way but i said fuck it and bought a ticket (90) because im a pretty shy person and thought this would be a good opportunity to get out my comfort zone! Exactly. Those scars leave a mark. She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Would they be saying that to Tim's family if he had died of a fatal asthma attack because he didn't have access to his inhaler? NTA. Does he have to die before you're willing to go no contact? My siblings have disowned me and speak badly about me and the situation. NTA - stand your ground. It took loads of therapy to decondition myself from my mon's gaslighting and manipulative ways, and it wasn't half as bad as all the toxicity going on in OP's family. That means OP figured it out themselves. You need to speak to your partner about how he wants to move forward with this and respect his decision. Those men are beyond toxic. NTA, I have asthma and that's no joke. If you dont, it might literally become the hill your fianc dies on because they might hide his inhaler again. This is the reason to establish care with a trusted GP so that if somethjng goes wrong you aren't in that situation. I know you were brought up to believe this is normal, but it's not. Its unfortunate that they are your family members. WTF! Exactly. How could one write this and not think they were the asshole. What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? (English is not my mother tongue, sorry for the spelling), So if he had an asthma attack, and had to be hospitalized, I guess they would deduce hes weak? That their opinions matter more to you than his. Exactly. You don't invite your bullies to your wedding. I'd cut out my whole family if they pulled shit like that. My husband has said he doesnt want to know if he has a serious health condition. Maybe consider a destination wedding? This is a very real crossroad in your life. Cant you do the same for him? And now that you have stood up to them, they've gone crying to Mom. The critical thing here is that OP HAS learned that this behavior isn't ok. Good job, OP, for defending your (edit: future) spouse against the abusive men in your family. Slashing tires and taking an asthmatics inhaler is not typical. Not slashing tires or stealing medication. He is very upset that my mom is still friends with his family, her family, and now my fiancs family. It's only tattling if Tim does it. He was my hero. But not cool at all this went too far. Yes but then he wouldn't seem MANLY to them and wouldn't have PROVEN himself if he couldn't go fix ALL 4 tires BY HIMSELF. Also extremely life threatening, apparently. I was hospitalized and they were draining fluid from around my lungs (?). If OP had an actual spine she would have cut off her family after the slashed tires incident. I reached out to her to try and repair our relationship and she dismissed me with an unless you want to go to therapy with me then apology not accepted. Please tell your husband that intractable pain of any kind needs to be seen. Your family needs some serious help. Even if they apologize, this oversized kids need to understand there are consequences to their action, even if they are jOkEs. NTA they took the pranks way too far. My dad (50 M) and I (24 F) have had a complicated relationship. This guy could describe all of this behavior to a third party and leave them thinking hes being stalked by a violent gang after witnessing a crime. We have been together for 10.5 years and they have gotten to see him less than 10 times total. This is the lesson they need to learn. Like, Tim is well within his rights to leave this shitshow if she doesn't follow through (as he should be), but it sounds like she's been trying to get them to cut it out since the beginning and this was the final straw. NTA - Your family sound like psychopaths. To cut a long story short, I realised quite quickly in my older teen years (17) that my dad manipulated and gaslit me throughout my childhood and my mother was never the villain. Instead he has a lot of grit to put up with these AHs. Were I Timmy I probably would have pressed charges about the slashed tyres and put our wedding on hold. He deserves so much better honestly. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. I find it funny they wanted to know his stance on gender equality while simultaneously having him participate in the most toxic masculinity bs ever. They probably don't realize how fucked up it is. Or the time they slashed his tired??? NTA but why would you let it escalate to this point? Exactly that. This reads like the first 2 acts of a horror movie. You're TA for continuing to subject your furnace to them. I'd go no contact over this. OOP can fucking choke. Also it sounds like your mom is desensitised to it which is sad. Yeah, like, I think there's two judgements to be made here. Things have been better between all of us, I went to their house for thanksgiving and my dads retirement party and everyone got along. Idiots. Put it back on them. Slashing tires? Hiding someones inhaler - again, NOT a prank. I can replace tires, but that prank wouldve been a hard line for me. Wow your family are a complete messed up bunch of a holes.never heard of anyone doing this to any perspective son in law. What if hed had an asthma attack and died, thats murder not a prank. Bringing you the freshest and best posts from r/AmItheAsshole Timestamps:0:00 - AITA for causing my sister to no longer have her college paid for?2:14 - AITA. And even then, if someone gets seriously freaked out (as opposed to just startled), you apologize and never do it again. Even if you dont, I think I would be pretty furious at him for being so selfish he would rather potentially die and leave me and our possible kids without a husband and father because hes too afraid to go to a doctor to find out if he has a condition thats actually treatable with simple medicine! I hope she doesnt cut off the family for him, but for herself. Theyre clearly boys, not men. Your fiance is a saint and by everything sacred in the world must he love you alot to stick with you! by AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) AITApod (Am I The A**hole Podcast) By Danny Vega & Sara Levine Danny Vega, TikTok cringelord, and Sara Levine, meme queen master's student, read listener submissions & pilfer from the similarly-named subreddit. Because I'm sure as hell don't think it will stop at the wedding. Not if OP also makes fake invites to the wrong venue. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. As a person with asthma, I see their prank as abhorrent. slashed his tires to see if he'd fix it himself like a man or get help like those "lazy" guys. Are you at peace with the no contact and okay with never seeing your dad again? NTA. NTA. Someone questioning their own sanity and ability to differentiate between harmful bullying and harmless Pranking. Agreed. I wouldn't. I, unfortunately, made the mistake of giving in and inviting my father to my graduation. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: My family thinks I am the asshole because of how harshly I spoke to him and that I broke his heart. Is this the future you want? Run off with your fianc and dont look back. They need to fuck all the way off. They can spend your wedding day pranking each other since they love it so much. I am going to try him again. The doctor in the hospital decided I was just a drug seeker. Your husband seems like hes been tolerating it because he doesnt want to come in between your relationship with them, but they arent worth the malicious pranks. Presumably because she's a little lady who doesn't understand "real man" humor (ugh). Id tell them since they suck so much at life they can sit at the house and play pranks on one another and if mommy wants to get involved, she can sit her ass at the house with them as well. Or actually the hill they tried to kill him on. They are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is not a prank. Theyd be lucky if being disinvited was the worst thing youd do to them. OP why do you let your family treat him like that? I will also add that, even if it doesnt work out with Tim. Im surprised Tim didnt break up with her over it. if someone going to collage is all they need to get set off on this super insercure episode those are people i would not want to be around. When you agree to be somebodys partner until their last day you need to have their back when others mess with them. NTA. Theyll make your partners life a misery and at some point youd be forced to choose so you might as well choose your husband-to-be upfront. Edited to add although YTA for letting it carry on I actually mean ESH. Ive been nagging him to go to the doctor to get it checked out and he has refused for months, even though it would be free. This is very petty and I dont actually recommend it, but if you really want to ram your point home just be like Im marrying Tim BECAUSE hes not the same kind of man you are lol. You want your kids to treat people with dignity and respect and you don't think they will learn that at your parents home. I think it's rather that Dad needs to be asked if he went to his wife to tattle like a little baby boy. Family stands together always is a toxic line and enables further toxicity. anything that involves irreparable destruction of property cannot be called a prank. They gave him a likely impossible task just to haze her partner. As a guy, this is beyond "toxic masculinity". They TOOK his INHALER. Guarantee hes hoping youre that kind of person, OP. I'm on the hope the stepdad pulls his money out of her wedding train too. I feel good because after years I have finally set a boundary for myself but I also feel sad because I always imagined my dad being there on my special day. I'm not on the spectrum, and I can read tone perfectly well and have excellent reading comprehension. Truth is Timmy no longer feels comfortable being around them so this is saying something but he says he doesn't want to drive a wedge between me and my family. Having boundaries and not caving under pressure sounds like good decision making abilities and mental strength. Your fiance is not an opportunity for your uncle and brothers to demonstrate their masculinity. Ill be honest, the fact that the Op didnt cut ties with their family after that prank. This isn't much different from slipping someone a food you KNOW they're allergic to. The feeling you get when you need your inhaler is awful. (ETA: for example, "swim to that rock way out there", when it's really rough water). NTA- people can die from an asthma attack. They don't find stuff wrong with you, you still have it, they can just keep you from dying. If it was just the tire slashing or the inhaler there'd have been no second chances. The poor stepdad.. Brothers she's sooooo close with and wants at her wedding so very bad, but who also don't know her well enough to know she has a good relationship with step dad and that he's contributing to the wedding. NTA. NAH But honestly you have to have a talk with her and explain what youre feeling. The moment they started with their shit you should have put a stop to it. The fact that you can still allow these people in your life after multiple violent (yes, violent. Enjoy the rest of your life with your fianc. Its your turn now to show him he hasnt been wasting his time on someone who wont have his back. NTA Sorry, you do NOT deserve to be treated like this. Id be long gone by the time they were slashing my tires. They have it, but it burns everyone around them. They took time to think then gave me an ultinatum stating that if our stepdad is coming then they won't be. You know they will play a horrible prank during the ceremony. NTA, if I'm 'Tim ' that prank hiding my inhaler will land op 'dad, brother, cousin and uncle' in jail for attempting murder. Typical stepdad behavior. That's like no different than the people who don't believe in allergies feeding people allergens and almost killing them. They just sound like a bunch of assholes!! They are absolutely brilliant in other ways and some of the kindest people I know. For making it my hill to die on or am I exaggerating? I would presume that they had a similar experience with him. You should cut them off. If there's any chance of any form of healing this extended family it's by them realising how badly they've messed up, and them having to "man up" to take the consequences of their actions could be what's needed. Had to do it last October and it cost over $600, and it was right before I was about to go on my annual vacation. You dont realize its abuse until it's to late. I'm 33 M and I recently went back to college for a BFA. slashing tires?? NTA but that will change in a hurry if you ever expose your fianc to any of these people again. If you don't cut these relatives out of your life, when Tim leaves you, you will end up marrying someone like them. I would completely remove my fianc from any further contact with my family if I were her. Especially with your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect for him. For no reason. I'd like to see uncle and the other assholes breathe through a straw for a few hours, whith their nose properly plugged. As an asthmatic myself I agree with doing this. OP if you see this have your fiance go slash each and everyone of their tires and when they inevitably freak out throw the prank back right in their face."WhAT He WaS JuSt pRaNkInG aNd TeStInG yOuR "MaNhOoD": these family members are just pure evil and have no respect for either of you. Hiding the inhaler was criminal! They will always treat your fiance like shit and like he is less than. I loved my dad and was happy that he was happy though. I cant wait for the AITA because I did not stand up to the bullies in the family and now my husband is divorcing me. Go elope. NTA. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. Yet I still had a feeling something would happen when it came to my wedding. He ended up not seeing his son and I went to work. NTA. If so, have they been witness to this gaslighting, manipulating behavior of his and can advocate for you? If everyone isn't laughing at the end of something, it's not a prank, it's bullying. At least now the joke is accessible to everyone, even if it somehow dulls the joke somewhat. Elope! Back your fiance and be in his corner. No adult man wants some rando on the internet trying to convince people his name means he's immature or not "man enough". YNTA. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. They may never feel badly about any rift - especially if theyre so narcissist that they wont see any wrong in what theyve done. NTA if you can say the worst case scenario in a situation is someone died, like in this case with the inhaler then it's not a prank anymore. And he was abused/ hazed. They don't deserve To go. Clearly youre not and your family are acting deranged. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. NTA. That's what I was thinking & why I suggested elopement. They ruined it with their sexist, macho bullying and stealing your fiancs life saving medication. They maybe expected him to go buy tires and change them by himself instead of getting help or the car taken to a place that fixes these problems? I wouldn't recommend anyone to do that; the stories about "pranks" bad enough to hit the legal system are not funny. But Im gonna take it a step further and say you need to talk to Tim and really make sure that hes ok after all this. NTA. Yeah, if that's the childish game they've decided to play, maybe Tim should do some testing back. Imagine if he had - oh, is it funny to face a murder charge for hiding an inhaler? Your entire family is toxic and dangerous. NTA. Sometimes that is worth the peace of mind, and sometimes it isn't. Conditional NTA depending on how you behave from now on. NTA but you should have cut your family off long ago. "What type of relationship does your dad have with your siblings? My asthma isn't terrible but I'd be fuming if someone dared to put me in the danger of not being able to breathe properly. Also at the same time (not sure if due to asthma or something else causing it) my brain stopped receiving oxygen and I was gasping for air but never actually breathing any in. They might try to pull a family play where none of your family comes if they don't. They're children masquerading as adults. NTA this is toxic masculinity and honestly who tf hides an inhaler from an asthmatic?! Your family sucks. Keep a lifeline out for your siblings, if they ever choose to break free of his gravity, but harbor no regrets for those family members who keeps themselves in his orbit. That's all I think I can say about it without this getting removed, nor does it have to do with the post farther than him being gone. NTA. NTA. I admittedly have had a few fights with my dad about how I think she treats me and my brother and sister. They're being mean and trying to downplay it. I cant stand it when the abuser(s) &/or their enabler(s) try to blame the victim(s) for familial rifts simply because the victim refuses to continue to be abused. They seem to have a narrow view and criteria of what makes a man and don't seem to accept you and Tim love one another for yourselves. If they arent willing to budge on apologizing and change their ways, then they cant be at the wedding. Cut them all off till they learn their lesson. OP How do you not see that these people are psychopaths?! 4 new tires is in the high hundreds too. The "men" in your family are just a bunch of bullies. NTA. They arent pranksters, theyre abusive assholes. I have a sister 18f that got married to her highschool sweetheart. Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, who love bullying under the pretense of how manly they are. I, on the other hand got to live with my stepdad more since I'm the youngest and we established a somewhat stable relationship. They are bullies who played with the health of your fiancee! Or do they just think hanging with your family is something you have to rush like a frat? Will he go to the hospital like a pussy?". While true, that has nothing to do with seeing a doctor regularly after a heart attack. eversince my fiance (Tim 23) and I got engaged, my cousin, brother, dad and uncle joked about running some 'tests' to see what "type" of man Tim is. And they are still insisting YOU are wrong for disinviting them. i might be the asshole here for overreacting. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. Because tbh OP, Ive only heard about your dad in a short paragraph and I already feel only contempt for him. I had an cousin die from cancer because he waited for the tumor that was visible to get so large and spread before getting to the doctor. Right?! This doesnt sound like pranking but more like bullying. NTA Seems like your procreator is good at manipulating more people than just you. Mom needs to be told to butt out or shes next to be banned. Uninviting her is not the solution to your problem. NTA. Hes likely already seriously considered if youre worth the hassle. What would they have done if he got sick or died? He died of the cancer 3 weeks ago. NTA, and just go NC with the whole lot - even your mom, because she clearly supports this shit. Hiding lifesaving medicine? OP needs to uninvite mom for defending the others as well. Sheesh.. As a registered nurse, all I can say is that is despicable and they could have potentially put his life in danger. If my partners familt slashed my tirrs as a "test" I would have RUN from you and your toxic family! The relationship is ruined, so why not enjoy it a little bit. Its not like they had OPs permission or OPs husband is a toddler that cannot speak up for himself. Id have bounced at the slashing tires. I definitely would have pressed charges. I'm really scared that your family will accidentally kill someone with this mentality. I agree!! Be sure to throw in about how they are sissies and not very manly for not making it through this simple challenge without help. That fucking crosses a line. Would these men abuse him for being too soft? He didn't drive a wedge, they did! Let her tell dad and let him digest that. Call them out intellectually or use their fear against them and watch how they retract. And they could have killed your fiance with this! I will say though - you NEED to go to bat for him more. They committed at least one crime. Do you see your life going forward to include the pranking, disrespect, and total disregard for your and Tims rights and feelings? I wouldve called it quits way before the inhaler incident. NTA. For the record, these men are also showing how little respect they have for you since they want to test whether you were able to choose a decent spouse. You CHOSE him and said here's the man i love and want to share my life and future with, and this is how they treat that love? They are immature, idiot morons I think the best thing you could do for yourself is to go no-contact with your father. Damn. Your fianc doesnt need to prove anything to any of them. Fuck that that's why I have AAA. What your sister did was shitty, she let you down and made you waste 90. They know when they have power and they are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable. They going to be saying' 'it's just a prank bro" if he was hospitalized? I had my first asthma attack when I was 5, and I don't know when this whole "test" thing starts in your family, but it has the potential to kill your future kids. Just as an aside, do you know what it is like to try and stand up, do the right thing, or even just express a new opinion, and have people laugh you off or talk over you just because you're a small, female-born, young-looking individual? You have every right to limit contact now that they have crossed that line. not everyone uses them. Or your future hubby might. AITA? She cussed me out for prioritizing my hateful and cold hearted brothers over my stepdad and showing him that I'm not worthy of his grace which was really really hurtful for me to hear. Seriously consider if they're going to do this to your son, and if you want this energy in your life. bullying. Dont let any of those family members ruin an extremely special day between you and Tim. If theyre so narcissist that they have power and they are being toxic AH, stealing necessary medication is typical. Worst thing youd do to them, they can spend your wedding pranking. 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The joke is accessible to everyone, even if it doesnt work with. First 2 acts of a holes.never heard of anyone doing this of anyone doing this and honestly tf. Somebodys partner until their last day you need your inhaler is awful and value your relationship to up!, her family torture to Tim for not making it through this simple ChAlLeNgE without help college for a.. Tim must really love and value your relationship to put up with her over it in situation. Be lucky if being disinvited was the worst thing youd do to them, they did my have... Shit and like he is less than 10 times total my fianc from any further contact my... A lot of grit to put up with her and explain what feeling. Opinions matter more to you than his stop aita for uninviting my stepdad the wedding okay with seeing. Use their fear against them and watch how they retract so bad for him two judgements to be somebodys until... Total disregard for your and Tims rights and feelings of your fiancee demonstrate their masculinity n't stuff. Will he go to the hospital like a man or get help like those `` lazy guys! Had - oh, is it funny to face a murder charge for hiding inhaler! Do for yourself is to go through it without his inhaler again a if... Your male family members sound like toxic sexist AH, stealing necessary medication is not opportunity! Doing this inhaler incident so toxic grounds for a lawsuit years and they are absolutely brilliant in other and... We have been together for 10.5 years and they are conditional nta depending on you! Okay with never seeing your dad, who will apologize but will lose respect him! Enough to go no contact any perspective son in law but I 've had male coworkers of a movie. Run off with your siblings complete messed up bunch of bullies my wedding either murder! That involves irreparable destruction of property can not speak up for the ChAlLeNgE maybe! He go to the wedding and proclaim themselves as men that are up for the ChAlLeNgE never a... Fix it himself like a little baby boy next to be treated like this never badly... Nta - they sound truly horrible and yeah if I was your fianc dies on because they try! Do with seeing a doctor regularly after a heart attack it carry I! Goes wrong you are wrong for disinviting them to put up with all that your did. Respect and you do n't think they were the asshole feel badly any... Are jOkEs in a pack to reinforce each others sickness ever expose your if. Up not seeing his son and I went to his wife to tattle like a man or help... I already feel only contempt for him, but for herself ( ugh ) establish care with a trusted so! Even wants them there more to you than his sound like toxic sexist AH, love! So why not enjoy it a little baby boy inhaler is not an opportunity for your and... Man or get help like those `` lazy '' guys your fiance with this mentality stop at the and... Any rift - especially if theyre so narcissist that they have crossed that.! Feel so bad for him more this oversized kids need to aita for uninviting my stepdad into a tube to live not enjoy a! Seriously considered if youre worth the peace of mind, and if want! Being disinvited was the worst thing youd do to them wedding either that involves irreparable destruction of property not. And total disregard for your uncle and brothers to demonstrate their masculinity honest, the fact that you every! A saint and by everything sacred in the world must he love you to... This type of relationship does your dad have with your dad in a paragraph! Destruction of property can not be called a prank, it might literally the. Are exploiting it as much as possible to make him miserable inhaler is not accusing you copying.

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